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Home » Post Item » Memories of the Flickering City Lights

Memories of the Flickering City Lights

January 10, 2007

i walked in zigzag as i tried to walk home with alcohol in my blood and it was forty past two during that cold dawn. tried to figure out the right path, i would pause to look then proceed. somehow, my eyes became so lazy and tired that my vision turned unclear, and the light from the poles which are very far apart are weak;  they fade into the darkness until i reach another pole with a blurry light. i pressed on and slowly began to wonder where i was in my journey home.  as i looked ahead, the dark road seemed to continue on and the objects in the corners of my sight were strange and unfamiliar. i suddenly turned back to realize that i have lost my way.

i shook my head with hopes that my state of mind would normalize. unfortunately, my spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.  i decided to a complete halt in the middle of that growing darkness of dawn. as i looked back the lights from those poles flickered from seemingly far away. those lights then placed the memory back to remembrance of that night in Manila when we were in a room at the 32nd floor of that fancy hotel. we opened the windows and looked down at those city lights that flickered like the flickering lights from those pole behind my path. with all my strength, i have tried to fight the memory from breaking loose. my friends i have gathered tonight to find distractions from this excruciating anguish of having to bear the memory of her face.

that night, we looked  down to the movements below us as we held hands and planned for a future that i thought would come to pass. i remember so well the look on her face when suddenly, tears bursted from her innocent eyes for a reason unknown to me, for a reason she said was not relevant.

i continued to gaze at those lights as they flicker, this time on my weakened knees. i have lost my strength and my heart was too heavy to bear because earlier tonight, then did i know what her tears were for when i answered my phone. she called me up just before she boarded the plane that would take her away never to return. i gently rubbed my eyes to wipe the tears away. my hopes have fled away and i dont see us together in that future we planned while we looked down, with hands held so tight, to those city lights. it was just a lie she shared with a fool such as me.

i have turned my fears, my pain and my love into rage, as i forcefully lifted myself up. though the road ahead seemed blurry and endless; though i never knew where it would lead, i took brave and wrathful steps forward and slowly disappeared into the darkness… 

Posted by montegrande at 12:34 pm | permalink

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