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Home » Post Item » A realization

A realization

September 19, 2007

it has been a very long time since i last posted something here. i have been really busy these days and i barely even have time for myself. my work load now increased and im facing a new challenge in my career since i have just been promoted to a higher position in the company that i work for.

nothing very significant happened to me since i last posted an entry here. i have lived a very monotonous life these days, no adventures, no special events, no heart-warming love -  just nothing  but work. oh well, i go out with my friends as well, just to smoke and have some beer. and im tired… and lonely. i have everything i need, i lack nothing but one thing: the happiness that i felt when Patty was still mine. in the middle of my busy schedule, i would usually take a pause for a reason that is unknown to me. then i feel a certain pinch inside my chest and this tiny pinch grows into pain as i tried to figure out what it was for. i would just thrug it away and push through with the busy routine that i go through every single day.

today, the pinch came to visit me again. suddenly, it seemed to me like i was in the middle of an actively engaged crowd - lost and alone.  in that very second i was able to ask myself why im busy, why im working, why im so caught up with what i do. i began to question what all this is for.

since the day i said goodbye to her, i focused all my attention and time on working, writing angry songs rather than love songs and went on with my life pretending that i never knew her at all. i just couldnt take the pain of letting go.

now i know what that pinch in my chest was about. now i know why im working so hard.

i miss her and i love her. but i guess i need to finally let go of the past and all the sweet memories of the only person that i truly loved. i know that i'll never love this way again.

Posted by montegrande at 11:25 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

I understand exactly how you feel, my friend.

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