I’ve Learned (Thurs., March 31, 2005)

somehow, now i am learning more than ever. it has been a very wild ride, and i barely know myself now. i have done so many things that at first i didnt know i was capable of doing. today, when i look back at those times, i could only shake my head in disbelief. 

i have awaken from a deep slumber filled with nightmares, and i am glad that i was able to grab hold and gather myself up again before i got so caught up in all the false bliss that the dream-turned-nightmare gave me.

the best thing of all is that though i have been partially broken, i learned my lesson. yah, i learned it the hard way because i didnt take head to my convictions. i let my mind and emotions take control. nevertheless, i now know what i needed to know now. i have the scars of battle. though i am hurt and wounded, i have won. i have learned.

thank you for being part of it.

That rainy Thursday night… (Mon., October 16, 2006)

“Thank You For The Rain”

We then started walking

Tried to reach for your hand
But I couldnt dare
The rain then started falling
But as If I care

You mentioned earlier something about raining
How it seemed not to cooperate on our every rendezvous
That night it came as a slight drizzle
Yet all I can think of was you

We walked on in silence
Tried to break it but was so inevitable
Silence to me was having you in my mind
But not to hear your voice was even more unbearable

The moment came to bid you goodbye, goodnight
Started to walk away but you called out my name
I walked back just to have you lean to me closer
My lips felt your sweet, soft ones, there goes our first kiss
I couldnt be happier

I love you baby, and I know you love me too
People might now say Im lame
But Im so thankful to have you
Just as I am for the rain

THANKS Jeigh_Cee

Until Today (Tue., November 14, 2006)

i struggle each day, and i labour to forget the shadows of our past. everyday, the memories visit me whether awake or not. i have thought about everything, every detail of the fairytale that we were once part of. i have decided to erase every line, to tear the pages apart, to burn it all away. still, i have every word engraved in my heart.

everyday is a new battle between me and the armies of my memories; a bloody fight in the depth of my soul. it is not easy to pretend and show the world; that i have forgotten, that i have moved on though deep inside the this cancer called love still grows for you.

the more that i exhausted all strength to crucify this desire, the more that i am weak and defenseless in this war. but still i know that there is no turning back. i must fight your memories and bury them into forgetting.

i will move on…

I am my HERO (Sunday, November 26, 2006)

…been very busy with work, busy singing for the band, busy pushing for my application for a higher position in the company that i am working for. i have been all over the place everyday, doing my usual routine - hardly taking my rest or sleep. fortunately, the management has granted me a week off from work. 

i returned home today, turned on the lights and sat on the side of my long unused bed. thoughts then started to flow as i listened to the silence that surround me. my memories took me back when i was still going to college, way back when life was harsh and cruel, and everydays seemed like a battle and the only way out was to fall into a deep sleep and wake up again for another day’s battle. each and every day was a cycle of defeat… was defeated in my battle for love, for family, for wealth, for truth and justice. all that i ever possessed was stripped from me. 

today when i look back, i couldn’t help but weep. i couldn’t believe how i made it through, how i manage to pull things together and make my troubles work for my benefit. i weep in amazement at how strong i was and how stronger i have become. i weep because i still wonder how i was able to turn things around. i was only a kid when i started to stand for myself; not seeking help from anyone else but me. heroes dont exist in my life. i am my own hero. i have proven it.

Repost: A Prayer (Sun., Dec. 03, 2006)

i am honored to have known you, my Lord. you woke me up today with the rays of light in the coolness of the early morn. as soon as i opened my eyes, you placed joy in this heart and made me realize how great you are and how vast your love is for me. thank you, Lord, for reminding me that you still hold me though i may let go. Lord, i couldn’t thank you enough for remembering me and for keeping the covenant you and i have sealed during that day that i surrendered to your call. 

Amazing Lord, my heart could not contain the joy that you have granted me today.

“You know that depth of my heart and you love me the same…

You are amazing God…”